Approved for all Audiences - Oct. 28, '98

Actually I couldn't come up with a good title.

I really am getting good at this stock trading stuff - today I noticed that I can consistently produce small loses - oh well, Sharon didn't laugh either.

Stop me if you have heard this one: (This is the first time I truly wished that I had a scanner.)

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and sure enough, out popped a genie.

The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick and tired of all these wishes, so you can forget about three - you only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and finally said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared of flying and I get very sea-sick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel! No, you will have to think of another wish!"

The man said "OK", and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So I wish that I could understand women ....know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment .... know why they're crying ... know what they really want when they say "nothing" .... know how to make them truly happy ...."

After considering this, the genie said, "You want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"

By now you have all heard from Sharon that I had accidentally locked her in the garage. Now my side.

I remember watching a tonight show in which Johnny and Ed M. where discussing the finer points of maintaining discipline in wives. They each have had many, so I thought that I should listen closely to learn what I could from these two experienced and wizened pedagogues. After proposing many solutions to the discipline problem, Ed finally suggested that on his wedding day, "each man should be granted two free punches!" Now we all know that such a suggestion is outrageously politically incorrect, which leaves each frail male to his own resources - all I have is a garage - I'll let her out as soon as it is cleaned up!